i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
