I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
