Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
