My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
