he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
