I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I want her autograph on my taint
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Drunk is not a location!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
