I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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