i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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