i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
