There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
