Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
