Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
