i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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