Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
