he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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