Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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