I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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