it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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