My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
