There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
