is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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