every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
