There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
