Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
