glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
