Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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