My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
