ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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