So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
