I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
