I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
