I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
