he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
