I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
