he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
