Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
