1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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