from now on my penis is your penis
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
