I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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