haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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