he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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