That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
