I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
