I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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