May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
