Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
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