Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
