I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
