Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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