Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
