This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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