Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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