he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
