Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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