apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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